The Session #73: The beer audit – what the hell is a beer audit??

So what is The Sessions all about? Well, on the first Friday of every month bloggers around the world write a post on a specific topic, which is suggested by that month’s host. You can find more background on the Brookston Beer Bulletin.

This month’s topic has been set by  Adam at Pints and Pub and it’s the beer audit.  Adam must be some kind of nerd and does an audit of the beers he has at least twice a year (why Adam why?) . By way of explaining this month’s topic he says,  ”I’m interested to know if you take stock of the beers you have, what’s in your cellar, and what does it tell you about your drinking habits.”

Beer audit, what the hell is a beer audit?

Even if I knew what one was why the hell would I want to know about it, or heaven forbid actually partake in one?

OK that s grumpy me in action but its been a long week. 4.30 am start on Monday to fly to Perth for work, 2 days on the road, a day long meeting then fly home to Melbourne, getting in at midnight, just long enough to have a quick kip, shave, shower and suit up to head to Canberra for more meetings where I admit I may not have 100% paid attention then home, finally. Now I’m in the office cranking through some work prior to heading out for a beer to celebrate the 1000th brew for the Holgate brewery and my graduation from beer school (a Graduate Certificate in Brewing from the University of Ballarat).

So after all this why the fuck would I do an audit? well its a beer audit so maybe. No actually audits are not my thing. Audits are painful things conducted by auditors, who are really just accountants with poor personality skills. Would you invite them round for a beer? I think not. Actually my brother-in-law is an accountant, I hope he isn’t an auditor?

Anyway I digress. I do not do beer audits, I do however keep a lot of beer on hand, mostly homebrew and the odd special few bottles that I’m keeping for something.

The homebrew stored mostly fits in 3 categories;

1. Beer I brewed but do not like.
2. Beer that needs some ageing (yes I like these ones)
3. Beer I have forgotten about, often put away to make space, or to keep for a competition or just at the back of the cupboard. When I moved house last year this added up to about 6 cases of homebrew, some fitted into category 1 and 2 but mostly it was forgotten.

The special beer is usually just stuff you don’t drink every day because its;

1. Expensive – well it makes sense to not drink this all at once
2. Sour/buggy/wild – a little more ageing time, a little I don’t want one every evening
3. Big beers – same as  above, and they last so long
4. Sometimes its just a beer purchased for a special occasion
5. Forgotten about. Oh the joy of finding a bottle of Cantillon you’ve forgotten about!

I do not make lists of beers, I do not keep count, I do not know exactly what I have at hand when it comes to beer supplies. I do not intend to start doing anything that resembles an audit.

Audits suck.

I will however keep having plenty of beer on hand and leaving exactly what, where and how much as a mystery. And I will continue to brew more beer, now that I’m qualified it seems like the right thing to do.

No to finish this work and get onto a few celebratory drinks.

Cheers D

PS – I’m sure Adam isn’t a nerd and is in fact quite a nice person, even if he is some form of auditor.